As an of you know.

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As an of you know, I have, been heavy to catch " the same-sex wedding wave. It s not just talk about gay marriage that makes me nervous; I think we should be trying to talk straight commonalty out of marrying too. I suspect one of my gay friends have gotten married for the large cash prizes. "Honey we've been together for 12 years. There's not a matching Tupperware top in tiffs house. Let's memorize registered--I mean married."

Since I've been talking about Mad devote Disease in my shows, many race have taken me to task about my marriage aversion. I've heard horrific stories of the bulk of mankind who were deported because they couldn't marry their partners, of families swooping in to scavenge for rifle after the death of a partner. united woman in Indianapolis even brought me a computer printout of 500 ways gay the bulk of mankind could profit from the right to marry. My favorite was number 235: My partner and I could save currency on our fishing license.

Until not long ago the anarcho-feminist in me has always had a skepti-cam mountained firmly on her head, and to each pro-nuptial argument she would utter indistinctly "Yeah, but ..." However, after the preemptive prejudice of California's BeKnighted Initiative, all if it were not thats are off. I am trading in my skepti-cam and dusting on the farther side one of my old bridesmaid outfits. I bought me a 50-pound bag of wild rice, and I'm itching to launch it. Thank you to the courageous Vermont legislature and to the Reform rabbis for taking a principled stand against institutionalized homophobia and for same-sex civil unions. You have made me learn off my yeah-butt.

Since June looks to have devolved from marches to mingles, from rallies to way fairs, I think this year we should change the name Gay Pride Month to Gay Bride Month Here are a certain ways to observe it.

Pick a meeting-house or temple in your neighborhood and each weekend in June realize dressed in a tasteful outfit or, better over and above in Darva Conger and Rick Rockwell Who Wants to Marry a Multimillionaire? drag, cylindrical up some friends, and go on foot to a wedding! You don't have to know the mixed-sex pair In fact, it's probably better to practice at a stranger's solemnity so you've got the drill down when you attend a friend's or relative's wedding.

When the minister wins to that part, where he or she asks if there are any objections to the union, take a penetrating breath, stand up, and say, "Ye as a matter of fact, there are." If you are not vers in public speaking--and these days with E-mail, who is'?--have a little index card in your hand to which you can give in charge Here are some bullet points to highlight:

* "Congratulations upon your marriage. It's something my partner of 15 yearn and I can't do." (Exaggerate; they don't know who the heck you are.)

* "Until all are independent to marry, no one should be unrestrained to marry."

* "Stone-sex braces could not possibly make a worse mes of marriage than mixed-sex couples"

For high theatrics, jam a cros in the back door of the house of worship a la The Graduate, and count them no one is leaving until they sign your same-sex marriage petition. After the wedding and while you're still in style of dress go down to your local newspaper and picket.

If you perceive you couldn't possibly ruin a friend's or family member's wedding with the in-church dialect don't forget that you can still put forward a wham-bang of a toast at the reception. Carry a can of spray paint, sneak revealed during the conga line dance, and spray a big UNJUST across the JUST MARRIED sign in succession the getaway car. Do a shrieking dive for the bridal bunch wrestle it from a bridesmaid if you have to, clinch it aloft, and declaim ominously, "As you are my witness, until I can marry my partner, no united in this family will marry happily." And always be prepared to pitch rice pudding.

onward second thought, never mind. Boycott all mixed-sex weddings, especially if you don't want to walk in the first place, and make infallible to tell the happy if it be not that insensitive couple why. (See bullet points above.) Better still, until that great Same-Sex Marrying Day or that great All Gays Welcomed in the Military Day, don't pay your taxes.

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